My wife never really wanted to play the "games" I wanted to play.  I would ask to be locked in chastity, and she would with a CB2000.  But soon I was horny and she would inevitably release me for sex.  I often asked her to spank me which she did reluctantly.  I also wanted CBT and teasing in between.  You can see a pattern here, it was always "I want" -- despite the rhetoric, it was always about me.  About the only thing that was in her favor is that she has never been a big fan of penetration, and there was less "requirement" on her part during our games.  We played these games for many years, but she was never happy, and neither was I.

One day I just could not take it any longer.  I told my wife I loved her, but I had to find someone that really wanted to make me their slave.  I was going to leave her.

She was furious to say the least.  She pointed out that depsite what I said about wanting to serve her, it was always about me.  She told me that after 20 years of being togther we should not just split over this.  She asked for a month to think about it and come up with a solution.

The next month was tense.  No play, no sex.  Mostly frosty silence on her part and shame on my part.  Then she received a package, one she had clearly been waiting for.

That night she made me a nice meal, candle light and all.  We kissed passionately.  We made love.  Little did I know that this was the last time I would hav eintercourse with my wife. She then said she was ready to talk about our future, but first she wanted to tie me down.  This sounded positive!  She proceeded to attach my cuffs and lay me out spread eagle, unable to move.  And then she changed.

She told me that she was going to give me everything I fantasized about, and grinned.  She said it would be much different than it had been.  She then decribed the shortcomings of our previous play:

     1) I claimed to want to please her more by being denied.  But I always whined when it went more than a few days.

     2) I claimed to enjoy the feeling of being denied but I never was denied for long and so she felt I was getting cheated out of this good feeling.

    3) It annoyed her to have to perform weekly CBT -- it was a chore she was not all that interested in, and again it was all about me.

     4) The same applied to spankings -- it was always about me and it was a chore for her.  I claimed to want to be punished, and often whined she did not hit me hard enough. But if she ever really hit me, I also complained.

     5) I always insisted on penertration which she does not like.

     6) I was not doing the chores or spoiling her in any way.  If I was to be a slave, did this not including cleaning the bathroom and making dinner?  Oral sex when I wanted it did not constitute service.  A clean house and pampering and luxury for her did.

    7) And no, the oral sex was not spoiling her -- again it was all about me.  She desired oral sex, but not every day.  Her sex drive was not like mine.  She prefered oral sex occasionally, but what she really liked was back and foot massage, washing her back when she bathed, drawing her bath, and general pampering.

She then told me that she did have a solution.  She would indeed make me her slave.  But, on her terms.  As her slave all of the above seven items would be addressed to her satisfaction, not mine!  She told me I had a choice to make right now -- leave or submit.  I submitted with not just a little fear in my gut.

So she then proceeded to tell me he solution.  She had purchased a new chastity device that was custom made.  It fits my flacid member almost exactly, and is lined with 2mm spikes.  Not sharp ones that would cause bleeding, but just sharp enough to cause considerable pain at even the hint of an erection.  It is a cage design that allows cleaning without removal.

She placed this on me and locked it.

Now she told me how the my seven shortcoming would be addressed.

     1) The new device would remain locked on for a period of one year.  Any whining at all would be severly dealt with (see #4 below).

     2) She hoped that being locked a year would cause me to constantly suffer sexual deprivation and want and desire for her -- she laughed and said she hoped it felt as good as I fantasized.

     3) CBT was a bore to her.  Hence the spikes.  She said that she felt that the spikes would adequately provide for me in that area.  At the end of the year she would "treat" me to a day of CBT without the device being locked on.

     4)  There were to be no more spankings.  However, there would be punishment.  Punishment was to be in the form of severe beatings.  Not a "tie me up slap me and tickle me" but a real beating and I would not enjoy it.  Most of the time these beating would be with a cane or crop on my ass, but occasionally for extreme cases or in cases where the punishment needed to more closely fit the crime, she would use a cat on my caged C&B. I would not like that either, she assured me.

     5) I would never penetrate her again.  She simply has no interest and I am her slave.  Any whining or hints for penetration, see #4.  In addition, she no longer has an interest in sleeping with me.  I have been moved into a second beadroom.

     6) I now do all basic household chores without being asked.  I do laundry, cook all meals, vacuum, mop, clean bathrooms, etc.  She does cook occasionally as it suits her.  She reminded me of #4 again, and also pointed out that what happens in a year largely depends on how I please her.

     7) I am no longer allowed to express an interest in oral service.  If she wants it, she will tell me, and on her terms.  Since our new arrangement she actually seems to want it more, usually once a week or so.  She said that in truth, me doing the household chores while she relaxed and read a book was more important than having a constant sex-fest.

She told me that the first year was to be a trial year and that at the end of the year we would discuss our relationship and see where things were to go from there.

That first year was a long hard year!  I tried hard to do the chorse with a smile.  She did not have to punish me often, partly because the first time was a real eye opener.  It happened after the first week -- the house was not very clean, and I received a stern lecture.  I protested, stating that she had not told me to clean the bathrooms, and that I did not know how to iron properly and so forth.

She simply got a cold look on her face and told me to fetch her riding crop.  She had me lower my pants and lean over the sofa.  And proceeded to give me a beating like I have never had before.  I had welts and bruises and I cried considerably.  She told me it was my responsibility to have initiative.  The house was to be clean.  Period.  She did not need to stand over me and supervise my every move, she wanted to relax and watch TV or read.  In addition, if I did not know how to do something, I was to ask.  I needed to anticipate her needs and provide for them.  She told me I could be punished for simply not anticipating her needs in a timely fashion.

A few days later I made the mistake of touching her sexually during a massage.  I thought I was being sexy and cute.  She was furious.  She made me fetch her cat.  She had me attach my cuffs and a spreader bar (because she believes everything should be easy for her I am always required to bring whatever she wants to use to punish me, and I am always required to put on as much of the reastraints as I can do by myself).  She then mercilessly beat my caged C&B.  The pain was intense after only a few weeks of denial.  Ones I received later in the year were worse.

She was correct about both punishments.  I did not like them.  I deraded them.  I almost gave up after the C&B beating.  I was ready to go back to how we were before I asked to play these games ... I was not sure she was.

I got better and the punishments got less.  On average I was beaten only a few times per month.  When I provided oral service I was carefully instructed and I performed to the best of my ability.  The house was always immaculate.  It was embarassing when guests came over and admired "her" house keeping.  Her friends asked how she had the time, but she only smiled.

Sometimes in public she felt the need to punish me.  Especially at company parties and other social events.  It was easy for her to do this -- she would simply seductively lean in to me and kiss me with a lot of tounge. To others in the room it simply looked like a loving wife kissing her husband.  To me, the pain of the spikes in my chastity made it true punishment.  Somehow though, after the first few months of chastity, it became easier.  And she knew it -- she kept asking if I had forgotten what it was like to cum.  She assured me this would get addressed in the next year.

The year came to and end and she kept her word.  I was tied standing in a door frame first thing in the moring and the hellish device was finally removed.  She then proceeded to punish my C&B beyond belief -- CBT plus.  She did it coldly, with no affection and no playfulness, only pain.  She hung weights on my balls and every so often would add another (where did she get these toys?).  She kicked the weights and made them swing.  She used her crop and cat.  She kneed me in the balls many times.  She laced me in a tight pin-prick sheath.  She attach clothes pins.  I cried a lot.  She was careful to place a stool under me at times and alter my position often, always mindful of circulation, while trying to cause maximum suffering.

At the end of the day she said it was time to talk.  She asked me my feelings.  I told her I loved her, there were some things I enjoyed, but she was being too extreme.  She nodded and made affirmative noises.  Then she said it was her turn to speak and I was to remain silent.  After she was done, I would have my chance to decide to either leave or continue.

She then proceded to tell that the last year had been better for her than the previous 20 combined.  She did recognize that some changes were required, and she listed some problem areas and made me agree to them:

     1) She noticed that after the first few months my physical need to orgasm seemed to have dwindled.  I had hurt her with my demands and threats to leave her, so she wanted mt to truly suffer maximum sexual deprivation.  To her this meant that I should have an orgasm more often than once a year so I would know what I was missing, and hence feel the deprivation more acutely.  I enthusiasticly agreed (and as it turned out, quite foolishly).

     2) I was being a much better slave, so punishment was not required nearly as much.  Again I foolishly agreed.

     3) She need a quicker and easier way to punish me without all the fuss of getting out equipment and restraints.  I agreed with some trepidation (but no real choice).

As usual she had the solutions:

     1) I would now get to orgasm 3-4 times per year at her discretion.  The kicker was that it would always be proceeded by a full day of very harsh CBT. like today, only worse.

     2) Since punishment was less of an issue, she felt that more regular discipline was required.  From now on, every Friday night, I was to lay out her punishment devices and attach my cuffs and await discipline.  Lest I confuse this with the games we had played before, I was assured that she felt that a discipline beating should be harder and last longer than a punishment beating.  I would not be enjoying our Friday nights.

    3) After my orgasm she would show me the new punishment she had devised.

I agreed.  I had no choice,  And I still had not cum yet!  My cock and balls were sore with welts on them, I was feeling bedraggled ... but I needed to cum so desperately.

Still tied, she then went to the kitchen and came back with a rubber kitchen glove which she donned.  She then took out some lotion and filled the palm of the glove.  Dripping and straining with need I awaited her minstrations ... although I was a little curious about the glove.  She then stood behind me and reached around me and slowly started to stroke me.  Just one or two strokes and then she stopped.  It felt heavenly ... for less than 10 seconds, before I realized the reason for the glove.  The lotion was not lotion, it was Ben Gay!  I screamed as the heating cream seared the welts.  She laughed, massaged my scrotum, and then started roughly pumping me until a few seconds later, sobbing, I came in great spurts.  The pain did not leave me for hours.

I learned that the 3-4 times per year she was going to permit me to cum would always be like this -- a hard day of harsh CBT followed by the most painful orgasm she could render me.  She explained that she would never again touch my cock in a loving manner, she would only torture it, even when making me cum.

She then locked my cage back on.  I thought the ordeal was over.  It was not.  There was still her new punishment.  She ordered me to kneel before her.  I was then to lean forward until my forehead pressed against the ground.  I was to place my arms in front of me, palms downs.  I was to raise my ass high in the air arching my lower back and exposing my balls and cage from behind.  She called this the "punishment position" and I was to assume it upon command.  She then picked up her cane and walked behind me.  I expected another beating.  I could only be so lucky.  Instead she made a hard swift kick to my balls crumpling me immediately to the floor. I writhed and moaned.  She screamed at me to assume the punishment position and when I only lay there she started railing on me with the cane.  I finally took up the position again.  She then explained that there would never be only one kick for punishment and that the count would start over if I was not back in the position within 5 seconds.  Today's punishment was for instruction, so I was to receive only three kicks ... and the count was still zero.  Somehow I got through the other three without adding anything new.

That was eight years ago.  I now no longer dream of having a Mistress to play games with me.  I no longer think of leaving my wife. I think only of pleasing her, taking discipline, and accepting punishment.  I have come to look forward to the "wanking days" -- what she now calls the full day of CBT usually ending in a Ben Gay and glove orgasm (she calls this a "punishment wank").  I have come to expect and accept her new ideas.  Several times she has used a glove lined with pin-pricks on the outside to bring me to orgasm.  Another time she just used her crop, alternating from striking too hard and teasing.  But mostly she enjoys "the Ben Gay orgasms" as she now calls them.  She has slowly introduced new rules and procedures:  I may no longer speak to her without direct permission; I may never look her in the eye without a driect command to do so; I may no longer sit at the table and eat with her -- at first I had to eat in the kitchen, but now I eat only her left overs from a bowl on the floor; she has added face slapping to her repetoire of swift punishment; she has me wearing diapers whenever I am not being directly supervised by her (and wetting them is a punishable offense, soiling them severly punishable) -- yet I may not use a toilet without direct permission; I clean house now dressed in tall heels, stockings with garters, a diaper with frilly girly rhumba panties. a pink t-shirt, and a frilly bonnet.  Moreover, she has gotten entirely cold with me.  I think she no longer sees me as a person.  She shows no affection.  She never thanks me for anything.  She no longer does much socially with me -- she goes out with friends and leaves me home to work; I exist for her only to keep her house clean, prepare her meals, do her laundry, and otherwise make her comfortable -- and occasionally scratching her sexual itch.  We converse about nothing -- I hear her voice only for orders and discipline; she never asks my opinion about anything, she no longers asks what I think or how I am feeling.  I am mostly invisible except I think she now enjoys the discipline and my sexual deprivation. Lately she has told me that she wants to re-introduce penetration in to our relationship, but with experience I know what this means and know it won't be good for me.  Last month she asked what turned me on about oral sex, was it drinking her juices?  Foolishly I said yes.  So she peed in my mouth.  All the time, something new to "look forward to" as she puts it.

And I have indeed learned the difference between fantasy and reality ... and somehow I cannot bring myself to give it up, even though each year she asks.  Instead I find myself spiralling deeper and deeper in to submission.  She me on this site for a specific reason -- she want more ways to punish my C&B while still lcoked in chastity.  As usual, she does not want it to involve too much work on her part.  She is thinking remote controlled electrical torture, perhaps controlled by our computer.  Can anyone help me?

Equis