The biggest thank you to My Lady for everything She has done to make me a better sissy. Now i feel so indebted to this most superiour Lady on all levels. Through pointing out and adjusting my thinking with correct thoughts to improve my submissiveness. Now i am trashing a lot of my old male thought patterns for better Female thinking which is far more superiour. Yes i do believe i have a long way to go but it is a journey i am eagar to work hard at.
Every step forward is a minnie achievement towards a goal of fulltime sissy hood. These little steps that become combined in to a totally different thought process and i realize how wrong i have been. The chastity of my male member really started the change and i was heart broken when an injury. Stopped the wearing the chastity locking device for good reasons that My Lady pointed out. This is how Female thinking is superiour, as My Lady pointed out. Part of my job is rescue and medical calls, that are not planned once the pager sounds off i go and have to leave to help others in crisis. My Lady pointed out that those people come first and She would not have me hindered by a device.
My Lady is so correct and it would be selfish to risk injury in the active roll i play in our community. Yes some of you don't like the diaper talk but it is the best alternative to being in chastity i have come to realize. As a nonexpert on human mind developement this one item has really made a difference in my thinking. Once the embarrassment of always beening in a diaper becomes a new normal. Now there is no way do i ever want some one else to know i am in a diaper this is most humbling beyoned discription.
Just want to apologize for feeling so much more sissified and dreaming about feminization. Now i am so excited about our future and the changes that are taking place. Feeling so soft and very comfortable in my own skin. Now that i am hairless, use to be covered in male body hair and the icky feeling. The shameful male beard is so thin now that shaving everyday is an option.
Now i feel repulsed by any male clothing and dream of Womans fashions and styles. Wanting to start to use the beautiful purse My Lady gave me for christmas. Then there is the wonderful hair style My lady helped me with. Very hard to pull myself away from the mirror because i am so impressed with the change.
Now i am so gratefulto My Lady for training and teaching me the do's and don't of being a better sissy girl. With out My Ladies advice and love i would still be living in my closet. Never enjoying what i have always denied because of a long list of male ego problems. Yes the outside is important but more important is my thinking and the way i look at the world now.
Since My Ladies thoughts about hormone therapy have been spoken out loud, like the elephant in the room. These are changes that will benefit myself, As i believe as My Lady has helped and nuged me out of denile. My Ladies super intelligence because She knows me better then i do. Once more She has pointed the path out to travel loud and clear for us to develope into a life style couple with the deepest bounds of love.
Doing a life inventory as i look back i do not regret anything i did as a male except for denile of my transgender thoughts. As my life is full of amazing things i am proud of and it is an impressive list. My Ladies slow transition plan is helping every one involved with my change accepted the changes slowly. With my outside life being very public, these adjustments have been recieved with compilements and warmth.
Now that i feel extra good about myself, others feel more comfortable being around and open thier feelings in different bounds of friendships. My Lady has really made the biggest difference for the good in my life. When i arrive home from a long day at work, She just knows how to treat me and i'm always pleased to come home. The massive relief to come home and to be contolled with love by My Lady cannot be discribe by me in words that would justify the true feeling. My Lady has giving me the greatest gift, a happy life.
I have been keeping track since January 2011 of my activities in my Orgasm Log. As the year has progressed, I have added more comments and it has become somewhat more detailed. While I think I would prefer to be in an actual metal device, and I have the picture of my favorite one on my Orgasm Log, I dont think that is likely. So for now, I wear what my KH allows me to wear. I dont know how other guys on this site think about these numbers, there may be people with much, much lower numbers, and then others much higher. But for me this is barely any orgasms.
In prior years, though I didn't keep such scrupulous count, I probably masturbated 10 times a week, and sometimes more, that's 520 times a year.... OMG, that's why I feel a bit deprived! So this past year I've had only 11% as many orgasms as I did in the year prior. Wow. It's not Thumper terrirtory, or anything like Sarah Jameson's spouse who is going to have one orgasm for the entire year, but it's pretty spectacular for me.
But I'm not exactly happy about it because I am not getting the relationship part really, and that's what I'm craving now....
While My Lady was driving us to do some shopping She told me to start thinking about hormones. Yes a felt a rush of blood to my brain as i blushed. Yes i had been doing a lot of reading on the matter on the transgender sites i have joined. My Lady has open up the possibilties of going farther into my transition. My Lady believes that i was born in the the wrong body. That it is the best thing to keep going forward with becoming more feminine.
Since My Lady opened this door for me i have been silent as i am really thinking hard on it. Some how it would be easier if My Lady commanded me to take the hormones, as i would do to please Her. Now i am slowly realizing My Lady is so right about i truly want to be a Woman and love My Lady with all my heart.
I have written before about Hypnotic Chasitty. I go back and forth as to whether it's really hypnotic bondage or just will power, but as I have experienced through out my entire life, I had will power over myself, my erections and my ejaculations before getting involved in Hypnotic Chastity. When I am free of my hypnotic bondage, I wank like a monkey with no self control. Even when I spin out scenerios I want to try out before I cum, I usually dont get very far before orgasm strikes and my clever plans are short circuited by my monkey brain.
SO much has been going on these last few days I don't know were to start. A week or two ago, I sent some pics to my wifes phone of a man wearing a strapon with a chastity device. I said I want to get one to use on her. I told her to respond to my idea in the following way when she fetched me from work A), 'granny' panties meant she did not like the idea, B), G-string meant she is OK with it or C), no panties, I must definitely get one. Surprise, no panties under the jeans. So it is ordered, BUT I have to 'pay' for it.
So, we were each going to suggest three things and decide. I went with wild things, 40 days in my cage (my longest time is 10 days), while I use it on here whenever she wants. Number two was, throwing away my male underwear and only wearing hers. Number three... she uses it on me.
When she tied me up today, she left my cage on, only the fourth day in it. She asked me what my ideas are. I told her. She asked how i wanted to use for the first time, I told her. She then asked if I would fuck her up the arse with it, we have never discussed anal sex before. I said yes, all seven inches of it. She was getting so into the teasing, I was moaning, with pleasure and frustration. I asked what her ideas of payment was, she had none. She just said mine were so good, I will have to do all three!!
My Lady and myself exchanged lovely Christmas present at the end of the day. My Lady bought me a the most beautiful dark satin, shoulderless long evening gown and i just wanted to scream with glee. Then i open Ladies perfume, pretty bling and a pink satin night gown. Then i open one present and it is a Womans hand bag for me, a pretty deep red with a thick shoulder strap. The big jar of chocolate mints is far to personal so i will hide those and not let any one know about them ;). These pretty and beautiful gifts were very personal and thoughtful, reinforcing my new roll in our lives. Mistress J gave me a very pink fluffy long bath robe, there will be no doubt when i wear it i am a sissy.
My Lady talk so sweetly to me after the day ended as we laid in bed snuggling. She said She want me to be a Woman and to live like a Woman, no more male things at all. Just cute and pretty things we will have. My Lady said She knows that me turning into a Woman is all i ever wanted. These few words really made me feel whole and fulfilled deep down in my soul. My only regret is having that useless male member which lead me to wrongful male thinking. My Lady is teaching me to cure this evil problem a little bit at a time.
Now our future looks so much brighter and prettier. Now that i feel so much more comfortable being tucked and stiffness has not been a problem. Maybe it has something to do with age or mind over body but i do feel inside more feminine and whole. Being hairless over my whole body feels so much cleaner and softer. Just love the feeling of silky soft clothes on my body. The icky feeling really comes to me when anything male comes too close to me.
With the holidays and company at the house i just didn't have time to blog. What a change in myself, a year ago i would put it off till i had to. Now i look forward to reflecting on my progress and thinking. In total i feel My Lady really has my best interest in Her plans. As my behaviour modifications seem to be Her focus everytime a verbal defect is pointed out. Now i find myself not pouting anymore but accepting and changing my male pattern thinking quickly.
The other morning about 2:30 am, recieved a phone call from Mistress J from a bus terminal 250 km away. They had sent Her transfer bus away thinking that there was no one to transfer. There wasonly a few seconds to come up with a plan. Not waking My Lady to tell Her about Her Daughters plite. Just left a note for Her to text me and set off to get Mistress J.
Made great time as the was no other cars on the lonely northern roads of ontario. When i arrived at the bus terminal Mistress J greeted me with a big hug and i opened the car door for Her. Mistress J expects me to open Her door for Her just like i do for My Lady. Mistress J chatted with me all the way back to our little home about everything under the sun. Her school work is doing very well and Her relationship with Her boyfriend is doing very well.
New Blog Post: Christmas Season http://autoeroticboysbentwhichway.blogspot.com/ Update on what's going on with me: Kink, Vanilla, Tattoos, Life, and more.
You know sometimes even I am surprised ,tonight as I'am being dried by the maid .Before I get her ready for bed , she fell to her knees and asked if we could go back to the way things were 3 odd years ago . OMG where did that come from, so I asked why . she said shemust have done enough by now and she wanted her old male life back. 'like what' I asked , she want to pee when she wants shit when she wants eat what she want in fact be free .So I asked if she could have one thing more than anything what would it be . she sat back on her heals and said most of all and most important she wanted to touch,play and wank her cock , 3 years without touching was too much.
Well Ladies if you ever want proof there all wankers there it is , 3and 3 quater years without touching that little thing ,forget the fact she has to ask to pee,shit,eat infact anything she has no control and what is the most important thing in her little life .....................A WANK AND TO TOUCH THAT COCK
same one that lasted 23 seconds to cum WANKER boxing day just got better
Learning about being a sissy and trangerism with the mild transition My Lady is guiding me on. With the old fear of male thinking is not to show any weakness. Now i always leave our house feeling vulnerable and easily embarrassed. Always very concerned about my appearance and matching clothes even at my job my lip gloss makes me feel well groomed.
With my softer and prettier side showing i find people hugging me more and touching my hands and arms while the speak to me. The hugs and pats on my back, i know they feel my bra straps and no one has said anything. Now i find myself smiling all the time and making sure i have a pretting not a forced smile. This is a wonderful feeling to really feel like smiling all the time.
Then a realized another fact about my training and the bulking diaper under my clothing. Little accidents have become more frequent either i am slowly losing some control or waiting to long. Eitherway i have become to depend on the diaper once in a while. When this happens the fear of being noticed or signs of any leakage is very worrisome. Then i feel so icky and have to keep a smile on my face while trying to find a place to change without detection by any one, even My Lady.
Just being so happy i feel a little guilty just because i feel so good. Becoming a sissy gurl and learning about transexuals is absolutely fabulous from top to bottom. Always feeling soft and pretty inside and out. Just over a year this transition started and i cannot wait to see how much more od an improvement will be in another year. Day to day the changes goes unnoticed but looking back just a year. All those little changes have added up to some great changes.
One draw back to all of the renovations and being busy at work, even though they are nesessary. The focus of playtime seems to take a back seat at times. Now with colour scheme and dungeon lay outs filling my mind with deep desire. Last night i believe My Lady was chatting to a possible guest for Her dungeon. This made me feel a little relief because My Lady loves the challenge. The size up and the planning to shape and mold someone. My Lady has spoken very well on how She wants things organized and kept ready for Her use.
Being honoured with the trusted place of being My Lady sissy maid to help Her. My Lady does have plans and one day i will hear of them when She believes i should know. My Lady is developing too as Her control over me becomes greater and i become more infatuated with my love for Her. My Lady has never let me down with Her care and love for me. Even with my ugly useless male member that is an embarrasment to My Lady and myself. One thing keeps running through my mind is when My Lady told me that if i ever had an accident. Where i lost my male member and there was nothing left down there , My Lady said She would love me just as much.
All the beautiful changes in my life towards becoming a fulltime sissy. My Lady has pointed out that i still hold back my emotions and have not let my inner Female side surface. My Lady has told me that i have become more sissy and a loving member of Her family. This is such an incredible honour i get teary eyed and choke up a little. Emotional i feel closer to my family and a deep down inner glow that feels like femininity. Now i don't want to think like a male and become very ashamed of acting i my old male ways.
My Lady pointed out that all my life i have lived in denial living like a male. Not until i met and fell in love with My Lady did i truly discover my transgender feelings. Those feelings were so buried deep in my closet that all were but ignored. Same as my submissive nature only My Lady has been able to bring this to the front and center of our lives. Which is one of my biggest reliefs and pure pleasures that i can feel. My Lady has opened doors that were always closed to my mind and life.
Now there are so many pretty and beautiful things to look forward to in our lives. Every morning i get up early and focus on my thinking and sit down and write my blog. Then i check the mirror to see how much more lighter my beard is. Everyday there are less male facial hairs and what is left is very thin . Then i dream about have my breast implants and imagen what i would look like in a bathing suit. Now i can't wait to learn to put on make up and look more like a Woman. Just love my hair and the little earings, just so cute.
With great relief and pride My Lady and myself slept in our new bedroom. This was a labour of love and the sense of accomplishment as our transformation starts move forward in this area. When i final got to bed i fell asleep like i haven't in a long time, next thing i knew it was morning. Now My Lady has more confidence in my ability to work with my hands in the building area of our home.
Now as winter sets in and freeze up is here the work on the dungeon can begin. The amount of equipment is amazing as my workshop is full of this equipment My Lady and Misstress J moved in over a year ago. My Lady wishes the dugeom to have a new colour to darken the room and to have everything hung on the walls for good organization. This will be my first dungeon work and i am really looking forward to it. Now i will be preoccupied with all the planning and creating of the dungeon equipment.
Really wanting to complete everything so My Lady can entertain company. With a beautiful home She will be so proud of because My Lady love company.
So clearly now i can see how wrong my male thinking has been. Now i can really appreciate the wonderful qualities of the Womans world, loving and nurturing ways. To teach and guide with out conflict with suttle suggestions. Having a small understanding about ones grooming to have a pleasing appearance for others. Now when i see a Lady i view from a far with worship to the life they live. My Lady is so beautiful in every way i can possible think of.
Now i have learned a little about he diaper training. This is a way to understand a little about the monthly cycle of Woman. Though the diaper is bigger and bulkier as a male i don't get as quickly. Having no responsibility like this and now having to be ever so carful not to let any one know. Now i am so self conscious about my bulky bottom and becoming more prone to accidents. This is really changing my thinking and awareness and believe i am becoming a better sissy.
Yes i fit into a size 14 but would love to be a 12 then there would be so much more to chose from. Just ten pounds is all i want to lose then i would be a healthy weight. At 51 it is harder to lose it seems but not impossible. My Lady is a fantastic cook and love to creat new dishes to try. Then i eat like a dog , everything in front of me till it is all gone. At the height of 6'2" and 210 pounds i'm not to bad for weight, just lose ten pounds of fat would really change my waist.
Now there is a sense of urgency as my femininity appearance starts to bloom. When My Lady put a corset on me. i loved the shape i saw in the mirror. With the front belly fat it was hard to breath but the look and feeling was what i want.
Just over a year ago this started and looking back i see how far My Lady has helped me come to becoming a sissy fulltime. At first it was just a fantasty but some how with plan i am not sure of My Lady has brought sissyhood this close. The future looks so like so much fun that i don't want to wait. Now that i have seen what can happen in just over a year i can be patient and do it right like My Lady says.
The more i write in this blog the more i come to understand myself. When i was a ego driven male and all the wrong thinking i had about the world and myself. Now the word pretty has a whole new meaning to me and i do enjoy things that are pretty. Every morning now i pick and match the best that i can as to what i am going to wear. This is so exciting and beautiful to try and look pretty. Grooming in the morning is relaxing and fulfilling as i discover every little defect on my face, the odd male hair.
Now that my body is hairless and smooth clothing feels so much better. The male hair on my body made me feel dirty and itchy. Then as i touch my face and the feeling of the smoothness is absolutly incredible. Yes my face looks so much more softer and happier with the progress that is happening. There are so many different earings to wear to reflectmy feelings ,then there is all the jewerly that Woman wear.
Just wearing a light lip gloss for now the make up will come to help me become more passable. There is always the weight thing and i do wish to get that under control one pound at a time.
