***Update in blog, I've not been blogging, but for those of you who do not visit the forums, here's what's been going on***
I’m so proud of my darling pet this weekend.
To all you advanced D/sers I know this will seem a little petty, but to those of you who know the struggle I am up against, this was a wonderful little breakthrough.
Sunday was planned to be a busy day. My cooker is broken (grrrr) and we needed to go shopping for food that we can eat until the cooker is fixed.
My pet (like most men) is not particularly keen on shopping, but I did notice that he was very patient while we were out and we popped into some clothes shops and he was picking out items which he liked (for me or him!?) and suggesting them to me. I remembered a few years ago I saw a young couple shopping and the boy suggested a skirt to the girl and she bit his head off! I remember thinking then how lucky she was to have a boyfriend who took an interest and how sad it was she didn’t recognise that. So I fully appreciated my pet’s opinion. There is nothing more frustrating than asking a guy’s opinion on a top or something only to get “I dunno, its up to you” or “but you already have too many clothes”. It was fun.
Also I have trouble with my new bag. The strap is missing, and where it is heavily ladened with baby rubbish (oh and a book I’ve been reading!) it was cutting into my hands, so he took that and carried it for me.
He totally looked after baby. All nappy changes, feeds, entertaining. This is a HUGE step. At his young age I know he has been stressed about being a good father, and it was a big factor in his breakdown last year. I was very proud of him, and he had some quality time with his daughter. He even offered to do the ironing at one point!
When we got home I had some studying to do, but I couldn’t focus, so I interspersed it with gardening. Big mistake on part.
If I’m not careful I can hurt my back easily and I was having such a wonderful time in the garden I didn’t realise how much pressure I put on it, until I went back indoors to sit down.
I told pet that I wanted time to have a bath later before we had dinner and went to bed.
With no prompting whatsoever he said later that evening “I’m going to run your bath now”. I didn’t really pay attention, didn’t expect anything and was just happy to have a bath run for me.
Well…. I was in for a bit of a shock.
When I went to see if the bath was ready (it seemed to be taking a long time, I mean, turn on a tap, turn it off… lol) but when I went in the bathroom it was all candlelit.
He then proceeded to undress me and I stepped into the bubble bath. I asked which one it was, and he pointed to the blue one which is for aching muscles. Well done!
Then I noticed my drink and some little snacks on the side! At first I thought the snacks were a bit silly, until I realised that actually after all that gardening I was a bit hungry but didn’t want to spoil my dinner!
So I lay there very smug in the bath, munching on snacks and enjoying my drink.
He popped in a couple of times to see if everything was ok, and washed my back. I felt totally relaxed. I also noticed that he had tidied up all the little bits and pieces round the edge of the bath.
Later on, in bed, I was having terrible trouble trying to sleep so he suggested massaging my feet. Obviously self-indulgent on his part, but I figured it was a good idea, and he did massage my feet with a wonderful lotion until I started to drift off to sleep.
At this point he did decide to take advantage of the situation and started playing with my pussy. I do love this when I’m half asleep so I let him carry on. He was being so loving and attentive about it, it obviously wasn’t any form of foreplay, it was all for me!
Needless to say the day had a very satisfying end. And I’m extremely proud of my pet.
To me it feels like a huge breakthrough. I hope you all agree.
Well, its all coming together here...I finally took the plunge!
My lecture ended early today so it was either go to the library and get some press cuttings, or go home and spank my pet…
I’m not in the library! I’d been thinking about this a lot lately, but it was in today’s lecture that I decided if we finished early I would dash home and see how my pet took to spanking.
Those of you who have been talking to me in threads and PMs will know I’ve been very apprehensive about administering pain because I myself was a bit of a pain slut as a submissive. I was worried that I would thrash in there too hard.
I set the scene in the living room, spread out our new PVC sheet on the floor and over the back of the couch, we have an L shaped one, so the back faces the entrance steps to the room.
At this point I realised I didn’t know where any of the things I wanted were, and made a note to self to keep hoods, gags, leashes, etc to hand in future.
Fortunately the hood was where I left it, under my pillow. I rammed it onto pet’s head in his sleep, and asked him if he needed the bathroom. He said yes, so I put his leash on and lead him there, sat him down and left the room. I told him to call me when he was done.
When he called I went in and decided a little humiliation wouldn’t go amiss, so I took a feminine wet wipe and proceeded to clean up his cock, balls and behind to make sure they were up to my standard.
I then lead him down stairs, stopping at the bottom to remind him that he was naked, hooded and on a leash and I have not yet put the curtains up in the kitchen. I lead him through slowly and into the lounge.
I made him stand on the sheet and use the back of the sofa to support himself. I told him to stay and said I would be back.
Hopefully that gave him time to think… it gave me time to go find the paddle and undress down to just my boots.
On my return I explained to him that I was going to introduce his bottom to spanking and that he was to listen carefully. I told him that I would start spanking with my hand and that he was to rate each spank 1 to 10, 1 being something he could deal with repeatedly, and 10 being something he could not suffer for long, being one step below his safeword. He was then to say “thank you Mistress”.
Spanking began!
The process lasted for about 40 minutes and I found it very enlightening. He would jump numbers and then after a couple of repeated spankings he would find the lightest spanking painful (8 or 9) then I would stroke his back and give him a hard spank and he would rate it 4… very interesting!
His cock was a little hard I noticed… so I played further.
I would make him count 10 spankings, he would have to say the number of the spank, followed by the rating, followed by “Thank you mistress”… that was fun, he stumbled and muddled his numbers and kept confusing his ratings… good fun!
A couple of times I stopped to hug, to stroke his back and at one point to suck his cock a little…. Hmmmm I taste pre-cum!!!! Lol.
We did have sex. Started fairly vanilla as a bonding moment but when I saw him struggling to cum I decided to go for a little humiliation. He was still hooded and leashed up so I made him fuck me doggy style, reminding him what a naughty puppy he was, bounding round the park looking for a hole to fuck, male or female… that seemed to do the trick! He even remembered to ask permission to cum.
After he had cum and spent a couple of seconds inside me, I jumped up, made him get back in the position, and swiftly spanked him 4 times…. All were 10s!!!!!
Then I wrapped him up in his fluffy dressing gown and snuggled up for a while.
“I don’t like spanking” was all I got. Oh and “ouch” when he sat down to pee… which I found hilarious.
I’m really pleased. I’m no longer scared of dishing out a spanking and I feel I can use it to punish… something I’ve been needing for a while now!
Some thoughts that have been travelling round in my head since earlier.
Neither my pet nor I are in safe spaces at the moment.One or other of us is usually in a vulnerable, defensive position when the other is in a safe place.This is leading to huge conflicts.
I know at the moment that any Dominance that should appear on my part will be tainted by resentment and anger.As we all know, this is not safe.
Yet another day spent asking myself “why am I doing this?”
2 days ago, after another huge row, it was decided between the pair of us that attempting to fit a D/s lifestyle into our lives was just too stressful and made us miserable.
I missed it immediately.I think all the time of devious plots and scenes.When I shop for underwear I have to remind myself exactly who I’m shopping for!I love thinking “this will suit him better than me”
I was right, after the last post we managed to have some great vanilla sex.3 times in 2 days, which is a heck of a lot more than we’ve managed recently.Plenty of D/s talk and a lot of realising that its not going to happen at the minute!
We are both exhausted.I have 10 weeks to finish this god awful University degree and then I’m moving on with my life to study for something I actually want to do.I want to be an Executive PA.It’s so me.I used to be a secretary pre-kids and this is what I want to work towards.It actually turns me on to think about it, so its got to be a good job lol!
In the past week I have resorted to having sex in my sleep.Twice!I kid you not.It’s so busy round here that if I don’t get it when we have some time together, I’m not going to get it at all.
Lethargic and overwhelmed at the same time. I feel like tucking anything sexual up in a box and not looking at it for a very long time. I have lost all my sexual appetite. I can only figure this is partially due to Christmas being over and done with (that was a huge stress) and having still more assignments and now my dissertation to deal with in January.
I'm exhausted if truth be told. I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere and be a nobody!
Been away for a while due to a bad case of real life!Mainly a very bad cold which knocked me out for a couple of days (horrible stuff) and preparations for Christmas have me pretty much exhausted.
Backing up a little…
Last Saturday was the day when everything began to be resolved.I finally became so fed up with the way things were going with my pet and I that I decided to deal with it once and for all.We hadn’t spoken for the week but that was the weekend he was due to move back in. Our daughter got her first tooth that day, so I was also very upset that he wasn’t around to share in the big milestone and realised that I do want him to be around permanently, no matter what it took.
I'm a wee bit poorly and not up to catching up on all the malarky that's been going on, my head is a mess... head cold I guess!
My pet is around looking after me, and I do have lots to say, but at the moment, I just need my bed and maybe a whisky or at least a hot milk *snaps fingers*.
Thinking a lot about my relationship with pet lately.I have not spoken to him since we parted on Sunday.The last thing I said was that he was lazy, selfish and unreliable.
I still don’t regret that, the more I think about it, the more I agree with it.
That’s not to say I’m happy about it.I love him, and fully intended to spend the rest of my life with him.I’m not entirely sure what to do about it all, so I attempted to strip the relationship apart, remove the BDSM element and try and see it for what it was.
Looking back, I freely admit I misjudged the whole bathroom event. *sigh*
Given my time again I would have made sure he knew what was expected. He didn't really make any mistakes, except he only gave 80% of what I knew he was capable of.
He was tired.... He really needs to learn. Tired is not when your hours are messed up over the weekend, tired is looking after a baby that wakes hourly for 3 nights because she has a cold, and then waking when she doesn't to make sure she's ok. Tired is trying to cram in University assignment writing into every waking hour, and revising for a very hard exam, whilst creating an outfit for a 9 year old for a school performance (asked for on Monday, required on Wednesday) attending all said performances, carol singing, football matches, and school activities. Tired is trying to prepare for our first christmas together on top of all that. And the laundry. And the housework. And helping the kids with their homework... need I go on?
Saturday was ruined because my pet had promised to go into town and finish my christmas shopping. Therefore I said he did not have to come over to see me, as he would usually on a Saturday.
He didn't go shopping, he didn't contact me, he selfishly slept for most of the day, which had a knock on effect to Sunday.
So I receive a text at 4am this morning (he's a night worker, oh joy!) saying that he didn't feel that he deserved to be punished because he hadn't done anything wrong.
After a few text explanations I told him that he had made me wait all day, and I was ignored, and this was unacceptable and he WOULD be punished this evening.
He arrived at my house this morning... early!, clean shaven!, wearing weekend panties! AND he brought me his chastity diary that I have asked him to keep.
I'm in fine spirits today, despite the fact that I still have 2 huge essays to write this weekend.
I think it has a lot to do with seeing my pet yesterday and all the little signals here and there. I get the feeling that what started out as a liking for silky things, which progressed into enjoying wearing panties (even though he constantly moans about hating them... with a smile on his face!) to an inkling that maybe some time in the future I may be gaining a sissy maid.
For the moment, I will just encourage fem-dressing in occassional role playing sessions, I have so many other things I want and need to train him for before we get into sissyville.
This morning, my pet turned up at my house because I’d asked him to come over to help get some things in and out of the roof. He didn’t turn up empty handed.
12 Krispy Kreme donuts, 2 bags of M&Ms, sandwiches for my lunch and then he tried to force feed me (and my children) hot cross buns for breakfast.
He ran round like an excited puppy all morning while I prepared to leave and was obviously very happy. When he went to kiss me goodbye I noticed he hadn’t shaved *again*! I’m getting really annoyed with this sloppy habit since he’s not been living with me, so I refused to kiss or hug him until he’d shaved. He looked very lost and put out and I left for uni.
At the last traffic lights to uni I received a text from him saying “look what’s waiting for you when you get home from uni” with a gorgeous picture of his cock and the piercing. That just got me thinking alllll dayyyy longgg!!! Lol
So I decided there and then I would get out of lectures early and go home and surprise him.
It was a very long day! I got home as quickly as I could, grabbed the hood and chains/padlocks I use to tie him to the bed and went upstairs where he would be asleep. I kissed him awake (because he was nicely shaven!) and we just got chatting. Things weren’t going as I planned, and I totally lost my Domme cool. I didn’t know how to get from chatty to kinky, so I wasted a good 15 minutes there.
Eventually I decided now or never, I told him to close his eyes, and he got all giggly and knew I was undressing. I grabbed the hood and forced it over his head and then started to chain him to the bed.
I went straight in for the kill, told him to get his feet up by his bottom and spread his knees so I could gain full access, and then just spent my time slowly fingering his subby pussy and watching him wriggle with enjoyment.
When I tired of that I knelt up by his face, where he immediately tried to reach up to my pussy whilst wearing the hood. I rolled it up so that his mouth was exposed, sat down and told him “lick my pussy, I’m in no hurry to cum, so take your time”.
I won’t go into the obvious mechanics of what happened next, but it was so delicious. I found myself talking to him loads whilst being licked out. I told him that he needed to be better trained and more obedient. I explained that in the future “When I click my fingers I want you to kneel, when I say nuzzle I want you to bury your nose in my pussy, and when I say worship I want you to lick my pussy till I cum hard!”
After I’d cum, I kissed my juices off his face (I do love that, it reminds me of going down on girlies when I was a little younger!) I left him hooded and chained while I got dressed, and was very annoyed to find his socks on my bathroom floor.
I got him to get out of bed and go to pick them up, but as he was on his way I clicked my fingers… he dropped straight to his knees, and I told him to crawl and pick them up one by one and bring them back to me. He coughed and spluttered at them but did as he was told. Hopefully he won’t dump them on my bathroom floor again! Lol
We needed to go shopping, and that was fun too! Firstly I found pastel coloured latex gloves in the household aisle! I was SO pleased! Those went straight in the basket. I can’t remembered what happened later in the trip but I had me taunting “[his name] is a sissy” and the response was odd… he just said “shut uppppp” in a real girlie “stop but don’t stop” kind of voice. Duly noted and continued on.
It wasn’t until we were home and messing about in the kitchen that I pulled my jumper off because I was hot and continued making coffee in just my bra. He playfully groped at my breasts, which he had been doing a lot this evening, so I teased him because I was wearing a gel padded bra. I took the gel pads out and gave them to him and said “here, take them to work to play with”… what happened next was even more interesting. He stuffed them up his shirt, and puffed his chest out and said “look, they work”… so again I taunted “[his name] is a sissy”… and this time he looked at me and said “shut upppp” with the cutest grin. Hmmmm. I won’t be running yet (I can hardly walk) but methinks there is a little girl hiding in there somewhere.
Off he went to work in the panties I’d worn all day, we’re both smiling and delightfully happy.
It may seem basic to the rest of you long-time BDSMers out there, but I’m really pleased that these little steps are finally taking me towards the lifestyle I desire.
My pet thinks he'll be moving back in a week or so!
My horrible essay I've been struggling just fell into place. I went to book a hotel room for Sat night to avoid some home improvements and managed to get a stunning room, perfect for play, in a gorgeous hotel near us.
